Yes

My First “Yes”

Day one of my “year of yes” starts just like day one of every diet.

I’m not fully committed to it… I think maybe I should start tomorrow or next week. I so often rationalize quitting on myself that it has become second nature to me.

You know how it goes, “I forgot I have that party and I’m sure I won’t be able to find anything healthy to eat so I’ll just start tomorrow.”

Followed by the “Might as well live it up now, since all that delicious food will be off limits forever … starting tomorrow.”

I am meticulous in keeping my word to others, so when did it become ok to treat myself like this?  Remind me to come back to that.

Right now, it’s time to tell you about my first “yes.”

So today, day 1 of my “year of yes,” I said “yes” to camping with the cub scouts.

You might be wondering how this could entail enough risk and/or bravery to count as a “yes.” This tell me that you have never camped with a large group of first grade boys!

But aside from the obvious noise, chaos, and fart jokes … let me enumerate the reasons.

  1. The camping location is literally in the Great Dismal Swamp.  It’s called “Dismal” with a capital “D” for a reason.
  2. Waking up this morning with “digestive issues“ which could have given me the perfect excuse to skip this little adventure
  3. Bugs
  4. Being an old fat person who has to sleep on the ground
  5. Heat – despite forecasted temperatures in the 70’s, it is 90 degrees in the shade with 85% humidity
  6. Almost crippling social anxiety and introversion

My youngest is a new scout this year, so I don’t really know any of these parents. I do know I’m the fattest mom by far, which really doesn’t help my insecurity and social anxiety. So here I am, sweat running in my eyes so bad that my mascara has turned me into a panda bear, surrounded by people I don’t know, and praying I don’t have to run to the sketchy toilets at the same time as the neighboring girl scout troop.

Yes, this is going to suck.

So the campout is done and I’m looking for the Shonda-esque lesson in it. I survived, and it did cool off, so it wasn’t truly terrible. But I survived it. I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t make friends. I didn’t feel any more comfortable by the time it was over, just relieved.

Still I did it. So maybe that’s enough for the first hurdle. I had the opportunity to chicken out, even had the perfect excuse, but I didn’t. I went. I camped. I survived. Yes number one – check!

 

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